So… I landed in JFK international Airport. I was headed to Montreal but not without having a few fun days in New York City. I’m not going to write about NYC right now. I come here often and usually, I have a pretty fun time. This time around I just chilled and walked around. The most memorable time is at La Guardia battling the masses. This is when I determined that LaGuardia is the worst airport I’ve ever been to.

Let me back up a bit. Those of you who know me know how much I hate my home town airport of Los Angeles International. I used to think LAX was the worlds worst airport. I avoid LAX at all costs. However, now that I’ve been to LGA (LaGuardia) I’ve discovered the “holy grail” of dysfunction.

LaGuardia airport is a small airport but it does have a few things in common with LAX. Mostly the bad parts of LAX, which is actually hard to decipher considering LAX is kind of a mess. For example, the terminals are not connected behind security. LAX is getting better at this though, they now have underground tunnels connecting a few of its terminals. It’s not great, but it’s a start. Having to move underground like a mole person is better than having to leave security and do it all over again. But, like I said, only a few terminals are connected. Hopefully by the year 3175, LAX will be fully functional…but I’ll be long dead by then.

Here is a map of LGA airport to give you a sense of what it looks like:

So… Getting Back to LaGuardia the Worst Airport EVER!

It’s not entirely LGA’s fault. A combination of many things happened on this trip that caused this experience to be disastrous… Nothing is as black and white as you want it to be and it’s the same in this case.

To begin with, its packed. So many non-travelers (this trip was actually happening during xmas time… aka the worst time.) All these novice travelers and their 12 kids are annoyed with one another and blocking everything and annoying everyone else, including the already short-tempered New York employees.

I usually let it slide considering I’ll be out of the airport soon. There’s no point in really being annoyed…

We get to our gate and wait for our flight to Montreal Airport. As we notice it’s a few hours delayed. As the time approaches, it gets delayed even more. It continues to get delayed. We actually think its going to get cancelled but with luck by our side it wasn’t.

Before boarding the front gate agent starts asking for volunteers to get on the next flight because of a weight balance issue. I’ve seen this played out before and it always looks like a bad idea. It looks like a bad one, but in reality, is it? Perhaps not.

They announce, and offer a $500 voucher towards another American Air flight, if you volunteer now. No one takes it.

They continue to offer the vouchers until the price actually reaches $1300 per person. I’m here with my partner. If we do this, that’s a total of $2600 in free American Air. That’s a few free flights right there!

Me and my partner decide to do it. However, the gate agent says we need to wait for the plane to board and depart because there’s a possibility that we will be on this flight anyway.

We wait and wait… I go up to the gate agent and ask what the next step is and she’s like “I’m sorry who are you?” I explain and she says “Something went wrong in our system and you won’t be able to get the vouchers… but don’t worry I’ve already booked you in the next flight. Have a good night.”

I suppose good and selfish deeds always go unpunished. As freaked out as we were we were not going to argue with this lady. She looked so frazzled by the hordes of people already. We asked what we could do and she gave us a number to call.

However, the flight she booked us on was actually an Air Canada flight. This meant we have to leave security and go to a different terminal.

We try to do electronic boarding passes but the machines say we need to see an agent. We stand in line for an hour until we reach the agent. The agent then tells us that American Air did not actually release us from their flight and we cannot get boarding passes to the Air Canada flight.

We scramble some more. The agent is very helpful at this point. He calls American and asks to release us. They do and we get our boarding passes. We go through security again.

My partner then begins a slew of calls to try to fix the voucher issue with American Air. At this point I’m eating and drinking to calm my nerves.

Our flight is cancelled forty-five minutes before our departure time. We call American Air and get rebooked for another AA flight. Great news, but now we have to leave security again and re-enter!

The agent on the phone tells us we need to see an agent to get our boarding passes but he is unsure how to resolve the voucher issue. We see one agent and we ask if she can help. Literally, we asked “Excuse me, can you help us?” To which she replies “No, everybody needs help today and if this is a real issue I am not going to do anything about it!”

We turn and walk to another agent and ask if they can help print our vouchers for us… My partner, frustrated makes small talk and tells her about the issues we’ve been having today. This however, set the agent off and says she is not going to help because we need to thank god we had a flight because we can take our ass back to the hotel otherwise!”

No one is helpful. Fine. We walk up to the front gate agent. Wait in line and explain the process to her. She is rude, unhelpful, uncaring and just doesn’t give a shit about doing her job. Someone fire her! She does not belong there. I get it. You hate your job. Then quit. Become a homeless person! No one is forcing you here. Being homeless is an option, not a good one but it is an option. Been there, done that (yes, I’ve actually been homeless before.)

The gate agent refuses to help us so we get back on the phone with AA and he helps us through it all. He even offers to aid the gate agent, to which she replies “I am not allowed to do that sir.” So, she’s not allowed to get help from anyone when she refuses to do her job? Because that makes a whole lotta sense!

At this point, the agent on the phone was pretty much done doing the job the ticket agent at the front counter could be doing. All she needed to do was print the boarding passes out. She put on her best plastic smile, printed the boarding passes, sprouted a few hateful hemorrhoids as she ground her teeth beneath that smile, and we proceeded through security one last time. Still no vouchers in hand and no solution in sight but at least we were getting out of this hell hole.

You can check out the entire ordeal on FlyerTalk.com, where my partner outlined the situation and asked for advice.  There was one gentlemen that helped us out immensely. He is a very good and well-known traveler who knows people in the industry. We befriended him on Twitter and used Twitter as a communication tool between us. Not surprising, many people were high drama and may I say FUCKING RIDICULOUS about their high-horse attitude towards life [on Twitter.]

This fine gentlemen helped sort everything out in the span of 48 hours or so. I am very thankful and grateful for this person who took his valuable time to help us with this situation.

The Outcome

We ended up getting our vouchers thanks to the guy on FlyerTalk. But our nightmare trip was just beginning.

We landed in Montreal, missed our train to Quebec city due to the debacle. We booked one night at the A Loft Hotel near the airport and booked a bus to Quebec city for the next day.

After all is said and done, all I can really say is, if you lived through it and walked away, it’s a good day to be alive!

Updates on LaGuardia Airport

They are currently under immense renovation. They are spending HUGE money on redoing many things at this airport. So many people have complained about La Guardia, for what seems like centuries! Finally, they are taking some action. I only hope that the improvements actually improve things. Unlike LAX where they just keep making things pretty but not actually improve anything.

Let me break it down for you:

NEVER FLY INTO LAGUARDIA or out of LaGuardia for that matter! LaGuardia is the worst airport I’ve ever been to. But don’t take my word for it. Ask around… Better yet, experience it yourself.

I thought LAX was bad. LAX is a palace with gods and kings compared to LaGuardia.