LabOratory Review

Laboratory is a bar and/or sex club. It is MASSIVE. The space is huge and its nothing short of spectacular.

Think of a spooky warehouse scene in a scary movie with dim, red lighting, cages upstairs, rows of glory holes, rooms full of slings and dark corners. Except there is nothing scary about this place. It also has a back area that is a massive open space. It’s like a labyrinth made of 18 wheeler crates sitting on top of each other. Each container has a sex room where you will find a sling or seat or play area. This place is sexual heaven. It’s a place I have only seen in movies. People are having sex in front of you in every direction you look in… You do not come here if you’re a prude or shy (and if you are shy you need to get over it really fast). Its fun and everyone is here to have a good time.

My experience:

A small tip before going to Laboratory:

Always check the website for their theme. You don’t want to accidentally go when its scat night (Scat is the term used for people who are into having sex with feces involved) or something you’re not into.

Me and my college buddies checked the website before showing up on a Thursday night. The dress code was “no dress code.” The theme of the night was Two for One drinks. It seemed like a normal enough night to head over with your married gay friends and just enjoy an awesome experience.

Here is another tip:

You will not get into Laboratory if you’re wearing any type of cologne or “smell-good” fragrance. They like their men in Berlin. They like their men smelling like musty, sweaty, pheromone alluring, hot man meat!

Laboratory is connected to Berlin’s most attractive and exclusive club in Europe, Berghein! The draw of both of these clubs are impressive. Its the place to be and be seen. Its a place of sexual liberation where you can be yourself without feeling any self-doubt or shame.

Me and my buddies arrive at Berghein and immediately look for the signs that say Laboratory. We walk around the giant warehouse that looks abandoned (well… if it weren’t for the extremely long line outside of Berghein, it would definitely look abandoned and scary like we were walking into a trap where death awaits.)

We get hustled by drug dealers around every corner asking us if we want E, or cocaine, or weed or anything else you can think of… Berlin is harmless… and if you’re from another big city you pretty much know how to handle this situation. We waved our hand and said, ‘no thanks’ and we kept walking. Done deal.

We enter Laboratory and we are handed a plastic bag to stick our clothes in… We were not prepared for that considering the website said “No Dress-code.” I wore a cute outfit with my Toms shoes. No dress code actually means “dress however you want.” In other words do whatever feels comfortable to you. If you feel like being naked, be naked. If you want to be in a jock-strap, be in a jock-strap. We were not prepared. I got down to my underwear and handed my clothes over to the coat-check guy. Both my friends asked if No Dress-code meant they could keep their clothes on. They said that was allowed as well. Therefore they kept their clothes on. I felt stupid being the only one of the three in underwear. No one cared, it was about fun anyway.

I made a few illustrations to show you what it was like since we were not able to take pictures.. This would be one of the sling areas upstairs. Below would be the restroom that’s covered in ass-water.

We headed straight towards the bar and saw guys wearing an assortment of leather/fetish attire, completely nude or in underwear. Guys were literally being fucked next to us. This place was massive. We got our two-for-one beers and decided to take a look around. We walked upstairs to a cage with a sling to watch a few guys take turns on one guy in a sling. Then headed downstairs to see the rows or glory holes and guys getting sucked off by anonymous lovers of fellatio. People walked round naked, with their raging hard-ons sticking straight out waiting for someone to get on their knees to suck on them. The guys in the venue ranged from beautiful, handsome muscle german men to hairy guys to guys that are heavier. The ethnicity of the men here also ranged from German, to Arabian guys to everything in between. There is something for everyone.

We then headed straight to the restroom before the line gets too long. It turns out, we were too late. The line was long. As I entered the restroom I landed in a room with a room full of sinks that were being used by beautiful men all washing their enormous cocks in the sinks. It appears Berlin has the hygiene part down (which I thought was amazing). As I retreat, I stand in line and wait for a toilet stall.

My Toms shoes were soaked through immediately as I waited in line for the toilet stall… Luckily or unluckily it was just douche water =P

The restroom was covered with an inch of water on the ground. Needless to say my Toms were soaked through right away and my feet were now the skankiest they’ve ever been in my entire life. As I entered the stall I realized that the water that is on the floor, is just that, water. Each toilet stall has a hose you can use to wash your anus in case you want to partake in anal sex (again with the amazing hygiene! LOVE IT). I though this was great except now I knew I might as well have been barefoot in an inch of ass water.

After we’re done with the restroom we decide we need to park somewhere and chill while we sip our beers. We walk towards the back play area with truck containers and head upstairs. We are now surrounded by containers, closed in by a chain-linked fence. The space makes me feel like Freddy Krueger is going to rape me (He’s German, right?)… and maybe kill me afterwards.

Have you ever seen Hostel? The Eli Roth movie about backpackers who are taken to a warehouse and tortured to death? That’s what this place reminds me of. Especially when you see guys wearing butcher outfits ready to take on anyone. It was fantastic.

After our drinks we walked around and saw it all… People getting blown, people watching people blowing others. We saw guys getting fucked and participating in group sex. People were on the floor, on seats, in slings, on their back, in the corners, in the play rooms… getting it on everywhere. The crowd seemed to be enjoying themselves.

However, after talking to several people they told me that Laboratory is one of the few places where you will find stuck-up individuals, whereas other bars and sexual venues are not like that in Berlin.

As we walked around, the body heat began to be too much for us and we waited in the outside play area. At this point a very handsome man, fully dressed came up to me and said “You look hot, you can rest your head on my chest if you want… even if its only to wipe the sweat from your forehead.”

literally rows of glory holes with people waiting behind them…

As I proceeded to take his invitation, this handsome man tells me that he just smoked a joint and it feels good to have his chest rubbed. We both laughed and I made a new friend. He called over his other friend and we now had a new group of friends. We chatted and got to know one another, talking about art, politics, music and the Berlin club scene.

It was now about 3:30am and the place was beginning to clear out. We hopped on over to Berghein…

Tip:

If you go in through Laboratory you can get into Berhein, just ask for a stamp when exiting Laboratory.

We spend the rest of the morning at Berghein… But this is for the next blog post =)

Let me break it down for you:

This place is amazingly insane. Like nothing I ever seen before. It’s worth it if you just want to see what it’s about. It’s also very novel. Also, if you just want to get laid, you might wanna come here. This place was massive but to be honest it was just fun hanging out with my friends at a venue unlike any other…

If you’re in Berlin and you’re interested in going check out their website:  www.lab-oratory.de

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Here are a few pictures I found on their website:

The space is huge and very industrial… The lighting was red with dark areas… the entire place was full of men.
The main bar
A few play areas
It looks spooky, like only Berlin can pull off

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